Love is one of the most complicated and vast feelings to define. It has inspired art, philosophy, and even science since man began to relate and form civilizations; and, if it’s complex for an average person to establish a romantic relationship, for a person with autism this can be a more arduous task. However, that doesn’t mean they can’t feel, receive or reciprocate love, nor that they can’t marry or form families in the same way as any other human being. Those who live on the autistic spectrum are as valid and worthy of love as you and me, dear reader; that’s why today we’ll explore a little about the relationships that involve someone with autism, what to expect, and what to do to make the relationship more bearable.
I’m in love, and my partner is on the spectrum: what to expect
Here’s a list of 13 useful facts, tips, and recommendations for everyone that’s dating or in a romantic relationship with an autistic person. These can help you to understand and bring some perspective to their way of living, so you can form a more adaptive and lasting relationship.
- They are not broken, nor sick. It’s human nature to want to “fix things”. When dealing with an autistic loved one, it’s all too easy to go into the “fix it” mode. However, this mindset can be very damaging. When trying to create a nurturing relationship, remember that your loved one didn’t choose autism. It’s important that you continue to show love, empathy and a genuine desire to understand the struggles they face.
- They can (sometimes) be socially awkward. Everyone has had moments where they experienced social awkwardness. When you love someone who has autism, you will experience these frequent moments of social incompetence by association. The embarrassment and frustration that you feel are understandable. Yet remember that aggression, compulsive behavior, and hyperactivity are symptoms of the condition and are outside their control.
- Communication is different for them. From initial speech delays in their early developmental years, to speech impairments as they progress, it can be hard to communicate with an autistic someone. Loved ones will constantly have to find new and creative ways to connect. Remember that speaking isn’t the only way to talk.
- They have limited focus. If a loved one has autism, remember that they probably have limited focus. This means that they either will zone in on a few limited things, or can’t focus on anything at all. However, you can turn this challenge into a positive opportunity. If you find one thing that they love, be supportive and help them flourish in it.
- They can seem to lack emotion (but they don’t). Most of us have learned to communicate, connect and understand social cues with facial expressions and eye contact. Many people who have autism will lack expressive features. They might avoid eye contact, often speak monotone and wear neutral expressions. This may make them seem apathetic. They may not be able to communicate in a way we understand, but lack of expression does not mean lack of emotion or empathy.
- They like everything to be in order. Many of our autistic loved ones are obsessive about repetition and routine, and the more you create an atmosphere of routine and stability, the more you allow them to thrive.
- They are not all the same (say no to social labels). Too often we might want to box everyone with autism and characterize them as all being the same. This common misconception is flawed. The condition affects everyone differently and each case will require a different type of specialized attention. It’s important to treat everyone with respect and celebrate their individuality. Knowing one person with autism means nothing because they are all so uniquely different.
- They have unusual eating habits. Unusual eating behavior is a common occurrence in most people who develop autism. Autistic kids have extreme sensitivities and preferences when it comes to food choices. This can be frustrating to deal with. Yet it’s a problem that, if you are aware of, can save a lot of heartaches. However, remember that in this age of diets, we all have at some point developed unusual eating habits.
- They are resistant to touch. Sometimes, all we want to do with the ones we love is to touch them, hold them and comfort them. Unfortunately, individuals with autism are often uncomfortable and resist to be touched. Remember, though, that while you may want to comfort them with your touch, it’s really you who is seeking the comfort.
- They take things literally. Puns, nuances, metaphors, and idioms are too often lost and confusing to the autistic ones. “Hold your horses”, “it’s a piece of cake”, “lets hit the road”, we use these phrases every day without even realizing we have said them. However, our loved ones with autism make language confusing and hard to understand.
- They need affirmation and reassurance. Everyone understands the power of positive affirmation and reassurance. As humans, it’s something we have come to crave and thrive on. When dealing with an autistic loved one, remember that need is greatly heightened.
- They have difficulty finding medical help. Being medically diagnosed with autism is not the same as having the flu, in which you can find quick and easy access to medical care. The condition is extremely individual and no two cases will be the same. This poses a challenge for doctors and therapists to medicate the condition.
- They like to have fun too. If you have a loved one with autism, remember that they still deserve to have fun and joy in their lives. Education and therapy are important, but so is play time. Try not to lock them away or not to limit their experiences. Find things that they enjoy and schedule a time to engage in those actives.
As you can see, love is love, no matter what condition or lifestyle you have. We hope our articles are useful and enlightening into understanding all different aspects of the spectrum. Follow us at our Autism Soccer social networks and leave your comments and questions in the section below.
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