Tips to Help Children to Live Together with Autistic Siblings

A good relationship between siblings when there's ASD is a crucial source of support at an emotional level.

The relationship between siblings is a natural and significant bond that can lead to becoming a lasting union. Also, this relationship is marked by its own characteristics, an important source of emotional support, and it even represents one of the first sources of social interaction for children.

The relationship between siblings when one of them is autistic has very unique and important characteristics.

How does the presence of a sibling with autism influence the sibling relationship?

Having a sibling with autism can mean different things for each child and in each family, but of course, it’s a neurodevelopmental disorder that’s difficult to explain to the little ones.

Responsibility and roles in the family nucleus vary depending on the needs of the child with autism, and sometimes, the siblings who don’t have the disorder can be influenced in their development and childhood if they don’t know how to handle the situation.

On the other hand, older siblings tend to take on the role of support for their parents and may feel doubly responsible, striving twice to get their little brother with autism to be well “cared for.”

Both older brother/sister and younger brother/sister, feel certain doubts and incomprehension about autism and the behaviors that it provides. They may feel unprotected and neglected by their parents, feeling suspicious of them.

The key to promoting a proper development in the relationship between siblings is to begin to build a good relationship between them. Parents play a crucial role in this process, as do professionals who treat the family as a whole.

Some recommendations

-Help them to understand that their sibling is different and that’s ok. It’s really a value that enriches the human being and provides opportunities for intense struggle and improvement.

-Give them a positive view of things and normalize them.

-Teaching the kids what autism is, will be especially useful. Thus, it will have the teaching and learning strategies used by parents and professionals. It’s essential to share with them therapies and guidelines that are offered to the whole family. Besides, you will reward both equally in everything you do together.

-Playing among siblings is essential, (remembering that you should reward both equally in everything you do together), doing activities where they share as siblings will be essential in the way to strengthen the bonds between the relationship of the siblings and their emotional connection.

-Attention to each one; that’s to be aware of them individually covering their needs, desires, dreams, and rights. The time reserved for the neurotypical child is exclusively his/hers and talking about what he/she needs/feels is always important.

-Equality of parents towards their children. The praises for one's achievements will also be reflected in the other; reinforcing and rewarding equally.

-Conduct and adaptation problems in the family of a child with autism can be a negative impact on the emotional and psychological adaptation of siblings without ASD. Sometimes, it’s the brothers who copy the behaviors of children with autism, to get their parents' attention.

-Preparing children psychologically to face society when they are presented with situations of mockery or incomprehension about their siblings, is very important. Sometimes teasing will make them feel bad and may cause social isolation. Hence, the importance of preparing them (between parents and professionals).

The union and relationship between siblings, regardless of their condition, must be strong and comprehensive. The support of parents and professionals is essential for the evolution and good development of the siblings.

The role of parents is crucial to building a positive relationship between them.

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Siblings and Children with Disabilities: How To Keep Balance at Home

Raising kids with disabilities can be a challenge. Learn how to overcome every difficulty that comes your way!

When there’s a child with special needs in the family, he or she quickly becomes the daily protagonist of their parents’ routine. It’s not hard to imagine why, children with disabilities often tend to take a lot of our time, efforts and thoughts. We always want to give them the best life possible. Their condition will always affect every member of the family differently and one of the individuals most vulnerable, and often neglected by scientific research, are siblings.

As parents, we’ll always want to give equal attention to all of our children, but when one of them depends so much on us, it easily becomes very hard to keep balance. Most of us probably didn’t grow up with siblings that needed special cares, so it can be hard to understand what they’re truly going through. How do they feel about their sibling’s situation? How do they see themselves related to the family? And what kind of responsibilities are put on their shoulders? It’s incredibly important for us to help them have a healthy childhood along with their siblings. It’s up to us to strengthen their bond and cultivate values that will endure for an entire lifetime.

Understand their need for attention

From a very early age, typically developed children will notice the amount of attention we’re paying to the sibling with disabilities. We know it’s hard, but you need to try to spend some quality time alone with them. Play with them, let them help you in the kitchen or simply have a conversation with them. Let them know that it’s perfectly fine to express their feelings. They’ll get jealous and frustrated (especially when they’re too young to understand), so don’t make them feel guilty for emotions that are perfectly normal for their age.

Explain to them why their sibling is different, with simple words. Don’t use euphemisms. Make yourself as clear as you can; you don’t want them to think that their sibling’s condition could be contagious or that it could be simply cured as if it were a broken arm or a scratch. Remind them that fair is not always equal, so even if you can’t spend as much time with them as they wanted, it’s not because you’re being unfair to them. Delegating the work between the father and the mother can be useful, but make sure that you’re also spending time with each one of your kids. They need both of you, not the one who got the role of taking care of them.

Take their feelings seriously

In contrast to their sibling’s special needs, a typically developed child’s problems can seem pretty meaningless. Many kids with siblings with disabilities feel like their issues are not important, so they end up repressing many emotions. They simply don’t want to be a burden. We might even be grateful for their consideration, but the reality is that it could affect their emotional development.

Their goals, dreams, and frustrations are valid. Be sure to let them know that. They can be angry at their siblings, and they can be sad for their situation. Let them express and say what they have in their minds and hearts. Sometimes, they’ll also feel like they have to be perfect for you because they’re the kid who “got lucky,” the one who shouldn’t complain, the one who shouldn’t give their parents any problems, they know they already have many as it is. But they’re just kids. Remind them that you’re not expecting anything extraordinary out of them, you just want them to be their own person and find happiness.

Be careful of the burden on their shoulders

Siblings will often feel like it’s they must look after their sibling with disabilities, and while you can always ask for help, you shouldn’t make them feel like it’s an obligation to do so. They’re probably too young to take care of another person, and it could easily end up being too much of a responsibility for their age.

Even when they’re already teens, they still need to go out and have their own life. Make sure you’re letting them make their own decisions in this regard. Having grown up with a sibling with special needs, they’ll probably have a higher sense of responsibility and empathy, which is really good. But they’ll also feel like they had to grow up faster than everyone else. Perhaps there’s nothing we can do to avoid that, the reality is something we can’t just escape, but we can help them see that they can have fun and that they’re allowed to be tired or say no.

Help them face society and don’t let them get resentful

Let’s face it. Society is hard for those who are different. Children with disabilities will quickly learn this, but so will their siblings. Socializing can get hard when they have to explain that their family is “different,” and they can easily be the target of bullying or mockery. They’ll also find out that their siblings won’t be able to do many of the things they can, not because of the lack of ability, but because the world hasn’t thought about making those activities available for them.

It’s easy to get resentful or even skeptic about the world once they’ve faced how cruel or indifferent people can be. Talk to them about these issues and create situations in which they can prepare an answer beforehand if they ever hear other children making mean comments about their sibling.

Ultimately, communication is the key. Children don’t know that there’s a reason why we’re not paying enough attention to them. If they act as babysitters their entire lives, it will inevitably have an impact on who they are as individuals. Be there for them, it’ll be hard many times, but all they need to know is that they’re not alone and that they’ll always find in you someone they can speak their minds to. Step by step, the road will become easier over time.

Source: Not typical, Rachel Feichter. Kid’s Health.

Love will always be the answer.

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Siblings and Autism: How to Interact with the Whole Autism Spectrum

You, as a brother or sister, need to be part of your sibling's life!

Ever since the extensive researches on autism began in the 20th century, the main focus for most clinicians was to look for a way to improve the quality of life of those who were born with it. Several awareness campaigns also rose up: Bringing the attention of people on autistic children. The knowledge we have today stands as a reliable and powerful tool to understand autism. With so many improvements the change can be felt, but what really matters, in the end, is how autistic children are raised and taught. Families are, in fact, the key to this puzzle.

Values, such as love, solidarity, moral and empathy, are pillars when raising children. Education is important too, of course. But without awareness and proper parenting to back it up, it won’t mean much really. Families are the children’s growth nucleus. Through solid bonds between siblings and the counseling of adults, children can develop the essential skills they’ll ever need in life.

For autistic children, it’s no different, even with their own challenges and particularities. What do autistic children need compared to neurotypicals? Time, more than anything. They don’t see the world differently as many people claim, they just see it with different eyes. What can you give your child as a parent to help them in their growth? You should be starting by changing your perception and that of the people around your kid.

Autistic children don’t feel different because of their condition: they feel different when people label them as such, even though they know they are not doing anything wrong. This attitude towards them is rooted on misconceptions around autism, mistakes that were put into people’s minds which managed to perdure. My point is that the moment you act differently towards autistic children they’ll show a tangible change in their lives.

Siblings are no different from the rest of the people, which is why you must educate them as well. Children need to be taught to treat and understand autistic children, in a way they don’t make them feel they’re being treated differently. You must explain them openly what it means to be autistic, so they can learn to treat them equally. This is not about denial or ignoring your children is autistic but acknowledge and empathize with what it really means to live with this condition.

A family that’s well educated about this will surely make their autistic children (or any children, for that matter) feel at home. Also, it would be wise to remember that if you decided to take this path, it’s neither a sacrifice or a challenge for you to bear. Playing the victim is not what your children need, they need to be understood and loved among all.

Your house and environment need to be ideal for your children to grow, but this doesn’t mean you’ll have them in limited and protected places out of fear. They need to see and experience the world as well. Autism Soccer provides the right environment for your children to learn and become an important piece of society (because they are). They deserve the best, and they will have it!

People with autism require special care from family and professionals, as they need to be taught how to connect with others, included their family.

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How to Inspire Respect Between Siblings

Children, especially when they have a considerable age gap, are prone to bickering.

Sibling rivalry is one of the things that worries most parents. The fact that children in a household fight and bicker is not uncommon, but when this animosity takes a turn for the physical violence, it’s time for parents to intervene. They need to cement values that will help their child gain respect for the other sibling, creating a connection unlike any other on the planet. This connection helps them reach a more confident relationship with friends and stranger alike, as it helps them create a personality that’s cemented in respect and love. The fact that parents know how to handle the process in a more productive and interesting way for children makes for a great experience in their childhood. This is especially true for households where one of the children have a special condition.

Respect between siblings is not an easy feat to reach. It requires a lot of work from parents, brothers and sisters alike to reach the goals of collaboration and security that only a sibling can give. That’s why you need to take the role of leader in your household, helping them reach their ultimate objective and become a union. For that, you need to follow certain rules:

• Be Fair: While sometimes we have more connection or preference for the attitude of a child, as a parent we must be fair at all times. Enforce the measures that fit the mold of each child and let them know how important it is for them to know the difference between the treatment each of them receives according to their age and particular needs.

• Participate equally: You need to participate with each child in activities that are fulfilling for each of them. Playing sports or learning an instrument, make sure that these are things that your child enjoys and that they can interact with others through them.

• Define limits: If you don’t set limits to your child, they’ll not understand each other limitations and abilities. Define places to play and what to do and what not to. That way they’ll have a more structured setting to experience with each other.

• Avoid being referee: Children will fight with each other. You as a parent need to make sure that they don’t harm each other, but have in mind that you don’t have to meddle into their fights. Let them solve their problems on their own, instead of trying to fix it all. This teaches them problem-solving and helps them establish a working relationship between each other.  

Inspiring children to respect each other is ideal not only in the household but also for other activities that they are going to face together in their future. It’s important for you to know the importance of these experiences, and that you are able to enforce them into every single aspect of their lives. One of the moments where your children can be participative in their sibling’s experience is Autism Soccer. They offer alternatives to practice sports for children with special needs, taking into consideration their family and background to create the perfect setting for each of them.

Having a road trip or activity together helps them create lasting bonds. 

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