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| All challenges in life can be faced with resilience. |
Have you ever encountered a challenge in life that you would have never expected? Something that threw you off balance and made you consider everything that you feel was granted. One thing most human beings can agree on is that even though life is made up of routines and days that blur into each other until you can’t recognize one from the other, more often than not, it can also be an utterly surprising and unexpected journey. Sometimes, those surprises will be nice; other times, not so much. Resilience in family refers to the quality of facing adversities and coming out of them stronger and more resourceful. When your family is resilient, you’ll all be able to sort out life’s surprises, whether they’re good or bad, and turn them into an opportunity for growth and change.
It all sounds pretty good, right? It’s definitely a desirable trait. But how do you actually cultivate something like that? Can it be taught? Is it an innate virtue? How do you help your kids to learn it so they’ll find a lesson in every experience and strengthen their spirits through them? Much research has been done on the field of resilience to comprehend what makes individuals and families develop this quality. Dr. Froma Walsh is one of the most referenced experts on the subject and through her work, she’s found nine keys to cultivate resilience across three different areas.
Belief systems
- Make meaning out of crisis
No matter the culture, similar beliefs in a family help us find meaning in life’s events without losing hope or faith in the process. Resilient families see crisis as a shared challenge, not something that individuals have to face alone. They see in them an opportunity for change and improvement. We can build this through faith or simple spirituality. We can help each other find transcendence in daily problems, to understand that things have to happen in order to help us grow and make us stronger. - Keep a positive outlook
Optimism doesn’t equal naïveté. Holding a positive view on things can actually help us see life in a different light and give us the energy to believe that things are worth fighting for. According to Welsh, if we find something new, a positive attitude might be saying, “Look, isn’t it interesting?” rather than, “Oh my God, what is that?” If we start with the attitude “I am going to make the best of it!” then the kids will pick up on it. - Value transcendence and spirituality
Seeing ourselves as part of a bigger picture in the world help us find meaning and purpose in the most mundane things. Many families seek it on cultural traditions or religious practices. Others do it on things like nature, art, and music or strong moral values. It’s the ability to have a compass that’ll remind you that you’re not alone and that things you do have an impact on the rest of the world around you.
Family organization and resources
4. Flexibility
If we want to build resilience, it’s important to have the ability to interchange roles and work together to adapt to different circumstances within the family. Although there are needs to be a sense of leadership, every family member should be able to help and work when things go south. We can make our kids participate in daily activities and subtly prepare them for what to do if one member of the family is incapable of filling their role.
5. Connection
Before a crisis, family members need to know they can rely on each other if something happens. Building this sense of companionship is important. And it’s also crucial to understand that there must also be respect for individual differences and boundaries.
6. Support by social and economic resources
Resilient families have a network of people (family, friends, neighbors) and organizations that can serve as their lifelines during challenging times. This network provides practical assistance (information, particular services), emotional support, and connection to a larger community. Make sure that all members of your family know to accept when they need help and where to get it.
Family communication
7. Share clear, consistent messages
Clear communication is one of the most important aspects needed to find effective solutions to crisis and problems. Communication that is direct, specific, consistent and honest helps all family members understand the crisis that the family is facing and encourages them to share their feelings and opinions with one another.
8. Openly express their emotions
It’s okay to be sad, mad or frustrated. Just because we feel like we need to keep the family together doesn’t mean that it won’t help that they know how we’re feeling. This can give all family members clues on how to assist each other and when to take over when someone else can’t. It’s perfect for building an environment of trust, empathy, and comfort. We find our greatest strength in love, so we need to practice it every day.
It’s not only about negative emotions either. We should also encourage family members to laugh with one another or to enjoy pleasurable activities together to revitalize families who are under stress. Sometimes, it’s actually more important how you react to good news than to bad ones. Make sure to tell your kids what you think they did right and why, and don’t let good moments slip away. As humans, we tend to have a negative bias towards life, so we are more likely to remember bad experiences. Work to remember what’s good.
9. Use collaborative problem solving
Resilient families identify problems and the options available to deal with them and then make decisions as a team. Family members engage in creative brainstorming as a way to discover new possibilities for overcoming diversity, with ideas of all members respected and valued. Resilient families focus on achievable goals and concrete steps that can be taken to achieve those goals. Families build on their success as they pursue their goals and learn from things that don’t work.
Building resilience is a process that needs to be practiced every day. It’s no use to wait for a crisis to come up and expect that our families will be strong enough to overcome them. We need to look deep into ourselves, find our strengths and our weaknesses and work accordingly to improve the way we react to challenging situations. One great way to do this is by spending time with our families doing the things we love. At Autism Soccer, we provide an environment that’s perfect to boost confidence and improve communication skills to change the lives of thousands of families across Florida!
Source: Family Resiliency, Psychology Today.
Jessica A. Yuncoza B.
Blogger Autism Soccer
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